Don (posted by Ann)

Fair warning, this post is about as racy as this blog is ever likely to get, I suspect.

Now that I have your attention . . . Don has a friend named Steve, who is one of the funniest guys I know. I went into Don's office this morning because I heard him laughing, and asked him what was going on. He showed me this e-mail chain, and I badgered him into forwarding it to me so I could post it here. Steve is soliciting Don's advice about which computer to buy, which starts very innocently, but it all goes downhill from there. Enjoy.

1st mail from Steve to Don:
So I’ve been obsessing for 2 days – I did the Dell thing – the non glare screen Latitude is beyond my budget – stopped at Tiger/CompUSA – this is a gut wrenching decision ----- no wonder I let the salesman “sell” me last time!!!
Here are 2 options --- what do you think???
Time to start the heavy drinking…………….
Don responds:
What's your budget on this system?
Steve:
Well I’d like to stay under $900 out the door
I did confirm today that a 14 inch screen is OK
Don:
Then I must be missing something...I just priced out a Dell Latitude E5500 N for $690.Core 2 Duo 2.5GHz15" screen2GB RAM (cheaper to add another 2GB later)250GB hard driveB/G wireless Bluetooth. Or do you need some really expensive additional feature?
Steve:
I thought I needed more hard disk – I have no other computer – this is the only one, so it holds all the photos, music, etc, etc. I suppose 320 would be OK – that’s what I have now. So I opted for the next larger.
Don’t these i3, i5 and i7 processors deliver longer battery life??? I remember you telling me to get the most speed (ram) I can afford, don’t I???
Don:
I thought you were trying to come in for less money.
CPU:The "i" series will give you better battery life. Higher the number, better the performance (7 is better than 5 is better than a 3). The i3 is as good (if not better) as anything you've had so far.

RAM:For most people, more than 2GB of RAM is the equivalent of comparing penis size. Fun to do, but a waste of time. It never hurts to have more. Memory that is. Wait a minute... No, that works with the penis thing also. Okay, let's stick with memory. More IS better. But at what cost? I buy the minimum that will let me add more later. For example, Dell charges about $45 per gigabyte of RAM. You can buy it yourself for about $24 per gig. But that's me. I don't mind buying the RAM and plugging it in. Currently I only have 2GB of RAM. Would I like more? Sure. But I don't really need it. Why? That's right. I've got a really big penis.

Hard Disk: Unfortunately, you can't add disk space. You have to replace the drive with a larger one. So you might as well get as much as you need up front. But disk space is like? You guessed it. Attic (or basement) space. You thought I was going back to the whole penis thing, didn't you? Well, you're just a dirty old man. The point is that for most people, they fill up their disk with stuff they don't need because they have so much space that there's no reason to delete it. If all you had was a 80GB drive, you would never have more than 80GB of stuff. So if you can get a bit more disk space than you have now for not much more money... go for it. Just remember all the crap you threw away the last time you moved. You kept that stuff because you had room for it.

In summary, either of your selections are good. Personally, I like the Dell. But that's me. I've heard horror stories about people that feel they got a POS (That's Piece Of Shit... a technical term) Computer from Dell and Sony and HP and IBM and... Well, you get the idea.
Steve:
I always learn so much from you…………………

For instance I didn’t know you could write the word peni_ (Tallywacker) and send it in an email. This opens up an entirely new communications channel for me.

And your attic…. Who knew??? Large, you say. Now I AM impressed.

Speaking of dingalings………………

An old man goes into a drug store to buy Viagra
“Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters??”
“I can cut them for you” says Dan the pharmacist.
“But a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection”
“I am 96” says the old man. “I don’t want an erection”
“I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t piss on my slippers”